Why I'm too cool for facebook

Not a craft night passes without a friend or two having a stab at me about not being on facebook. To tell you the truth, in the beginning I just didn't really think it would be around for long enough to bother joining! But as time has passed, it is still here, and continues to increase in popularity. Even my eighty year old Granddad has an account!

So why don't I just join up? Mostly its because I spend enough time online as it is, I don't want something else to lose myself in. Yes, I do often miss out on being invited to things, or sometimes receive a last minute invite. But every now and then, a friend or two will give me a ring and update me on what is going on in the village  this week. We don't need to use smiley emoticons to tell each other how we are, because I can hear it in her voice.

So next time you are on facebook, and thinking, 'Bloody Victoria, just trying to be difficult', pick up your phone and give me a call.



My Charlotte Rose- A dad's Story

Victoria had this wonderful idea of having a home birth, I didn't think I was cut out for all that yelling and screaming going on at home followed by the blood and gunk on my floors. I loved a clean and tidy home, and wanted to keep it that way. Every night that I was home during  2009 I would watch my favourite television show, Two and a half Men if Victoria was studying. If she did not have her head buried in books, I would spend hours listening to her explaining to me why having a home birth was so important. It did not take long before I was keen on the home birth idea. I soon realised that hospitals are not always the safest or most appropriate place for child birth. I was now looking forward to our own home birth when the time came for us to start our family together.

I was being posted from Western Australia to Victoria as of January 2010. This guaranteed me to two years ashore so we got down to business in anticipation of having a Victorian baby. That part I was not as happy about as being from SA we generally dislike the Vic’s. Victoria researched for a private midwife to assist us for our baby’s birth and found the most wonderful woman, a mother of six plus a foster child too.

At this time in life there was and still is a lot of headaches with in the system in regards to private midwives and home births. This is due to the government and doctors being a pack of vultures wanting a piece of the pie and control over women and their baby’s rights. The paper had a lot of negative stories and a few positive stories on this topic. We were just grateful to all the lovely midwives in Victoria who enjoy helping families bring their children into the world in a safe and happy environment called home.

Each of our appointments with J was in the comfort of her home and was not a short ten or 15 minute meeting like in the hospital system, we were never there for less than two hours per visit. It was relaxing and rewarding for both me and Victoria as I was part of the plan and not just the guy holding his wife’s hand saying breathe baby, breathe. Each meeting we would talk about a different topic in regards to the pregnancy and birth, Victoria’s role, J’s role, the back up midwife A’s role as well as my role.

It was Sunday morning the 29 August when Victoria told me that she had been having contractions for most of the night but did not wake me as I was dead to the world. I was ecstatic that I would soon be a father for the first time, so I took my parents and my mother in law for a short drive and to the shops before sending them on their way to a hotel for a couple of days so that Victoria and I  could have the house to ourselves for the birth.

We rang J and informed her that things were happening and ask for guidance, and we were told to continue on as normal until things heated up a bit, so we did. We took our dog Charlie for a walk to the Beach and what an experience, Victoria had to stop every five minutes or so with contractions which made me think that we ought to be getting home ASAP. Later Sunday night we rang J to ask her to come over as we believed the baby was not far away, and both midwives were at our home before midnight ready for Victoria to give birth.

This was not the case as the night was very long and tiring for all especially Victoria who had not slept for quite some time now, nor had I, but I believed that if she is awake then I am awake too as her supporter. Sunday night passed and Monday morning arrived with no real progress towards the birth happening any time soon. I was sure for that for her to be in so much pain that she would be close to birthing the baby, but not to be as time between contractions were varying all the time and by early afternoon Victoria had gone through a lot with no success. She also had two large bulges in her back which were concerning for all. We decided to ring the hospital where we were booked in as a back up and informed them we were on our way.

We arrived at 1500 approximately and were met by a midwife named Bec. We provided her with a copy of our birth plan and explained how we were hoping for it all to work,that Victoria did not want to be offered or given any drugs or gas what so ever either.

A doctor examined Victoria and assessed her as six centimetres dilated, then Bec showed us to our room where she left us for a while. Bec then came back to offer us the birth pool, but told us that we were unable to have a water birth as such due to no qualified water birth midwives being on duty. We were upset at the fact that our baby was not going to be a water baby or a home birth baby.  However we did not expect that they would have a birth pool available for us at all. As time passed by in the birth pool, which I was unable to actually hop into with my wife because I only wore jeans and a shirt to the hospital not thinking that we would have the use of a birth pool.

We soon made our way back to the room ready for the final stages of the birth. As the plan was for me to stand behind Victoria and catch our baby I was nervous and excited at the same time.  I stood there with such excitement when J said to me that Victoria’s about to have the baby right now. Boy when they say now do they mean now, as I watched in anticipation I could see something funny looking, the skin stretching and what I now know as crowning. The sight of my baby’s head sliding on out as I held my hands in position was amazing, and within seconds out she came.

As soon as I seen that we had a daughter I had tears of pure happiness. As I passed Charlotte through to Victoria I was waiting for a good minute or two before she noticed that we had our beautiful baby girl, Charlotte Rose Morgan. Everything had gone to our birth plan, with the exception of a home water birth. Our baby was born naturally in a nice comfortable environment, with no drugs or equipment what so ever and no doctors at the birth.

It took a few weeks for Victoria to get over the fact that she gave birth in a hospital rather than home, but I reassured her that she done a fantastic job considering the time and pain and nothing went wrong with the birth itself. We could not have wished for better treatment from the hospital, Bec’ was lovely and caring; she left us to do our thing as much as she could.

I would recommend all men who are against home births to listen to your wife/partner and have an understanding what they want. Their mind, body and soul need to be at ease to ensure that your unborn child is at ease too.If they are happy and comfortable then your life and pregnancy will be a happy and comfortable one, I guarantee you. If you find a private midwife who suits your needs and expectations you will be fine.

I have always loved my wife with all my heart, but the love and respect for her that night giving birth will never fade until I die.

Bless him, I do love reading his story. I have a good laugh and tear up a bit every time I read it.

The Cherries in Berri

Nom nom nom. We have just returned from five days camping in Berri, a fruit lover's paradise. We worked our way through many kilos of fresh and local apples, mandarins, cherries, apricots, nectarines and pistachios, straight from the the farms. Berri is located in the Riverland in South Australia, where Wayne's father Kim grew up.

Charlotte loved the time outdoors. She was naked 90% of the time, and had lots of practise using the potty. I love camping, the fresh air and stars, the simplicity. This was our first camping trip using cloth nappies. There was a washing machine, and the nappies dried really easily on the washing line. Easy peasy.

Our campsite

At the camping store

We also spent a few days in Adelaide catching up with family. We spent some time with my grand parents and some of Wayne's old friends.

My Granny

My Grandad

I finally had the time to try out a new craftwhile we were away, needle felting. After buying some beautiful roving wool at the Little Yarra Steiner School fair a couple of weeks ago, I found this book at the library

This was my first attempt, I am pretty happy with them, just need to sew beads on for the eyes. What do you think?

My next project was a gift for a friend, which I am pretty happy with! I'll post a pic once she it has been gifted!

An ode to babywearing

A couple of friends have toddlers that are getting to a stage where they no longer like to be worn (ie babywearing). I know these Mamas will grieve this stage being over, but also be so happy to see their little ones growing and developing, wanting to explore the world independently.

This a little poem I found when Charlotte was only tiny, still a little cuddly koala in her hug a bub, and I thought I would still be wearing her for years! These days she still loves to be carried, but I know the time will come (too soon) when she wants her space and freedom...

I will carry you

I love that I can kiss you

Just inches away from my lips

Our hearts beat together as I carry you

Perched up high you see my world

Then turn your head in and sleep

Restiong on me you are safe

Your body next to mine you are secure

We are in tune in this external womb

In my arms you will be Until you are ready to venture out

But until then, I promise,

I will carry you.

by Michelle Abernethy

Wayne carrying Charlotte (for the first time) in the Hug a Bub on Fathers Day 2010 (six days old)

Homemade ring sling October 2010 (6 weeks old)



The trusty Ergo in Phuket May 2011



Family beds are best

There was a tiny little article in Saturday's Herald Sun titled 'Mum's bed best- doctor'. It is an awful title, but did discuss some interesting things, that you don't need a medical degree to know. Dr Nils Bergman, a renowned Pediatrician of the University of Cape Town has completed research that has shown babies should sleep in in their mother's bed until they are at least three years old. The study looked at two day old babies, and found they did not sleep as well in a cot as on their mothers' chests. The study found sleeping alone made it harder for the mother-baby dyad to bond, damaging the development of the brain, and leading to 'bad' behaviour when they grow up (I do not neccessarily agree with the 'bad behaviour' part, I imagine this is the Herald Sun's poor choice of words).

I remember watching a video while studying, featuring an interview with Bergman discussing Kangaroo Mother Care (KMC). KMC is generally described as a mother and newborn being skin to skin, encouraging breastfeeding the intitiation of breastfeeding and supporting the new mother-baby bond. It is recognised as the optimal way (but unfortunately not always the standard way) to care for sick and premature neonates, far superior to incubator care (See here for a randomised control trial of skin to skin care compared to incubator care) . It is practised to varying degrees, depending on the setting, some neonatal units 'allow' token skin to skin time with the mother and baby, while others encourage KMC twenty four hours a day, with family members filling in when the mother is not present.

KMC with a premature bub

Incubator care

Back in my nursing days, I worked in a neonatal intensive care unit. Each family had skin to skin weekly (I wouldn't call it KMC, as it was only used when the baby was stable, and the nurse felt they had the time to facilitate the transfer in and out of the incubator, it was treated as an inconvenience, rather than the way things should be). I have witnessed many precious moments between mothers and babes, as they grew older and stronger, the skin to skin transitioned to nuzzling and suckling at the breast. The precious babes that didn't make it out of the nursery had uninterrupted KMC, their families trying to store a lifetime of memories.

When Charlotte was born, Wayne lifted her to my chest, where she stayed for the next two hours. She did not attach to my breast during that time (in fact, she didn't for the first twenty  four hours or so). This was all the more reason to keep her skin to skin. We spent the night skin to skin.



 When we came home from the hospital, besides the occasional cuddle with family, we spent our time skin to skin. When she was ten days old when we went to see a Lactation Consultant, she was horrified when I took my top off- whoops I had forgotten that skin to skin is not the norm!

My mother-in-law, a firm supporter of breastfeeding commented that she had seen premature babies skin to skin, but didn't know you could do it outside of the hospital. The research has been there for many years about KMC being optimal for sick and premature babies, I am just glad that the research has caught up with what families that are able to listen to their instincts have been doing since the beginning of time- skin to skin followed by co-sleeping in the family bed.

Rhea Dempsey in Frankston

Yesterday Rhea Dempsey, a Melbourne Birth Worker, Child Birth Educator and Counsellor came to speak to Peninsula Birth Support Group. The topic was originally 'Healing after a Caesarean', but it turned out that all attendees had only had vaginal births. So instead, we discussed all things birth, physiology, psychology and support. Rhea discussed the timelines of birth for primiparous (first pregnancy) and multiparous (second and subsequent pregnancy) and how the body has memory of opening in the first labour. As long as the baby is in an okay position and there have been no major changes in your life (new partner, your mother or child dying), and the baby came out of your vagina in some way, your second birth will inevitable be shorter and easier. Good to know for those of us that had had long or complicated labours! Her definition of established labour in a primiparous woman (a first labour) commencing when there have been 2-3 contractions in ten minutes lasting at least thirty seconds for at least an hour, to an hour and a half. In terms of cervical dilation, this would be around 4 centimetres. This would be the time for your birth support to be coming to attend. Multiparous women (second and subsequent labours) only need around three contractions, lasting thirty seconds to be in established labour, and dilation would be around 7 centimetres. It is an interesting thought that physiologically, these time frames are how the body works, and outside of this, something is holding the body back ( This is Rhea's theory anyway).

She also discussed that in first births if there are emotional or psychological issues, then these do effect the birth process. This can mean a long labour, precipitate labour, difficulty pushing the baby out, or being unable do deal with the sensations or pain. In second birhs, if the baby has previously come out of your vagina, emotional and psychological problems do not cause as many issues, because the body knows what it is doing, it has done it before. Physiology takes over, and the baby is born. 

This brings my thoughts to my labour with Charlotte. Why was it so long? Yes I guess the first day or so could be counted as prelabour perhaps. But why were my contractions regular, and then space out to ten minutely? In my mind, I had previously been thinking, 'If we had just stayed at home six hours longer (the time we were in hospital before she was born), Charlotte would have been born. I blamed (blame?) my midwife for making the wrong call. I arrived early at the talk yesterday, and was able to talk to Rhea about this. She said there is perhaps something about the hospital that makes you feel safe, that home did not have for you. strange, because from all I have seen, hospital is not a safe place for the majority of babies to be born. Nevertheless, this is something I need to ponder.

We also discussed the 'Primal woman'. When did I turn into the reckless, no talk, wild labouring woman? From the timelines she outlined (as above) I don't think this neccessarily coincides with transition. I didn't get there at home.

 I still had my thinking head on at home, primal woman did not arrive until I was in a bright unfamiliar room with strangers in tow.

Primal woman- naked and roaring. What was it inhibiting her?

Homebirth Rally

Homebirth is our right, but this right is being slowly wittled away by policy makers in this country.On Wednesday this week, Charlotte and I flew to Sydney to participate in a homebirth rally. The rally was located outside of the annual conference of the Australian College of Midwives. The ACM has issued a policy statement that disallows Independent Midwives from attending women at home if they are not considered 'low risk'. This includes:

- breech babies
- twins
- labours outside of 37-42 weeks
- a previous caesarean.

Vaginal birth after caesareans (VBAC) success rates at home are around 95%, where as in hospital it is sometimes as low as 6.7%. It makes sense for women to stay at home and be attended by their own midwife.



The rally was the first I have attended, it was a huge day, we left home at 3.30 in the morning and got home at 10pm. I caught the plane with a group of women from Geelong that I had met online on Joyous Birth, the Australian homebirth network. We, small town women, had a great day exploring the big city together. It was incredible to be a part of such a powerful collective of feminine energy.


When we arrived at the conference centre, the police kept most of us away from the main site, standing in the sun in the carpark, allowing only twenty near the building, where there was media waiting. Eventually we all got together and walked through the police and the protest began!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6sVqubPmak&noredirect=1

You can see me speaking fifteen minutes into the clip.

We shouted and sang and told our stories. We tried calling down the president of the ACM, but she didn't come. We made the afternon news in some places, but not the 6pm news, maybe if the Queen hadn't arrived on the same day it may have been different. It was such an incredible day, and I am so glad that I was a part of it.