My Charlotte Rose- A dad's Story

Victoria had this wonderful idea of having a home birth, I didn't think I was cut out for all that yelling and screaming going on at home followed by the blood and gunk on my floors. I loved a clean and tidy home, and wanted to keep it that way. Every night that I was home during  2009 I would watch my favourite television show, Two and a half Men if Victoria was studying. If she did not have her head buried in books, I would spend hours listening to her explaining to me why having a home birth was so important. It did not take long before I was keen on the home birth idea. I soon realised that hospitals are not always the safest or most appropriate place for child birth. I was now looking forward to our own home birth when the time came for us to start our family together.

I was being posted from Western Australia to Victoria as of January 2010. This guaranteed me to two years ashore so we got down to business in anticipation of having a Victorian baby. That part I was not as happy about as being from SA we generally dislike the Vic’s. Victoria researched for a private midwife to assist us for our baby’s birth and found the most wonderful woman, a mother of six plus a foster child too.

At this time in life there was and still is a lot of headaches with in the system in regards to private midwives and home births. This is due to the government and doctors being a pack of vultures wanting a piece of the pie and control over women and their baby’s rights. The paper had a lot of negative stories and a few positive stories on this topic. We were just grateful to all the lovely midwives in Victoria who enjoy helping families bring their children into the world in a safe and happy environment called home.

Each of our appointments with J was in the comfort of her home and was not a short ten or 15 minute meeting like in the hospital system, we were never there for less than two hours per visit. It was relaxing and rewarding for both me and Victoria as I was part of the plan and not just the guy holding his wife’s hand saying breathe baby, breathe. Each meeting we would talk about a different topic in regards to the pregnancy and birth, Victoria’s role, J’s role, the back up midwife A’s role as well as my role.

It was Sunday morning the 29 August when Victoria told me that she had been having contractions for most of the night but did not wake me as I was dead to the world. I was ecstatic that I would soon be a father for the first time, so I took my parents and my mother in law for a short drive and to the shops before sending them on their way to a hotel for a couple of days so that Victoria and I  could have the house to ourselves for the birth.

We rang J and informed her that things were happening and ask for guidance, and we were told to continue on as normal until things heated up a bit, so we did. We took our dog Charlie for a walk to the Beach and what an experience, Victoria had to stop every five minutes or so with contractions which made me think that we ought to be getting home ASAP. Later Sunday night we rang J to ask her to come over as we believed the baby was not far away, and both midwives were at our home before midnight ready for Victoria to give birth.

This was not the case as the night was very long and tiring for all especially Victoria who had not slept for quite some time now, nor had I, but I believed that if she is awake then I am awake too as her supporter. Sunday night passed and Monday morning arrived with no real progress towards the birth happening any time soon. I was sure for that for her to be in so much pain that she would be close to birthing the baby, but not to be as time between contractions were varying all the time and by early afternoon Victoria had gone through a lot with no success. She also had two large bulges in her back which were concerning for all. We decided to ring the hospital where we were booked in as a back up and informed them we were on our way.

We arrived at 1500 approximately and were met by a midwife named Bec. We provided her with a copy of our birth plan and explained how we were hoping for it all to work,that Victoria did not want to be offered or given any drugs or gas what so ever either.

A doctor examined Victoria and assessed her as six centimetres dilated, then Bec showed us to our room where she left us for a while. Bec then came back to offer us the birth pool, but told us that we were unable to have a water birth as such due to no qualified water birth midwives being on duty. We were upset at the fact that our baby was not going to be a water baby or a home birth baby.  However we did not expect that they would have a birth pool available for us at all. As time passed by in the birth pool, which I was unable to actually hop into with my wife because I only wore jeans and a shirt to the hospital not thinking that we would have the use of a birth pool.

We soon made our way back to the room ready for the final stages of the birth. As the plan was for me to stand behind Victoria and catch our baby I was nervous and excited at the same time.  I stood there with such excitement when J said to me that Victoria’s about to have the baby right now. Boy when they say now do they mean now, as I watched in anticipation I could see something funny looking, the skin stretching and what I now know as crowning. The sight of my baby’s head sliding on out as I held my hands in position was amazing, and within seconds out she came.

As soon as I seen that we had a daughter I had tears of pure happiness. As I passed Charlotte through to Victoria I was waiting for a good minute or two before she noticed that we had our beautiful baby girl, Charlotte Rose Morgan. Everything had gone to our birth plan, with the exception of a home water birth. Our baby was born naturally in a nice comfortable environment, with no drugs or equipment what so ever and no doctors at the birth.

It took a few weeks for Victoria to get over the fact that she gave birth in a hospital rather than home, but I reassured her that she done a fantastic job considering the time and pain and nothing went wrong with the birth itself. We could not have wished for better treatment from the hospital, Bec’ was lovely and caring; she left us to do our thing as much as she could.

I would recommend all men who are against home births to listen to your wife/partner and have an understanding what they want. Their mind, body and soul need to be at ease to ensure that your unborn child is at ease too.If they are happy and comfortable then your life and pregnancy will be a happy and comfortable one, I guarantee you. If you find a private midwife who suits your needs and expectations you will be fine.

I have always loved my wife with all my heart, but the love and respect for her that night giving birth will never fade until I die.

Bless him, I do love reading his story. I have a good laugh and tear up a bit every time I read it.

Rhea Dempsey in Frankston

Yesterday Rhea Dempsey, a Melbourne Birth Worker, Child Birth Educator and Counsellor came to speak to Peninsula Birth Support Group. The topic was originally 'Healing after a Caesarean', but it turned out that all attendees had only had vaginal births. So instead, we discussed all things birth, physiology, psychology and support. Rhea discussed the timelines of birth for primiparous (first pregnancy) and multiparous (second and subsequent pregnancy) and how the body has memory of opening in the first labour. As long as the baby is in an okay position and there have been no major changes in your life (new partner, your mother or child dying), and the baby came out of your vagina in some way, your second birth will inevitable be shorter and easier. Good to know for those of us that had had long or complicated labours! Her definition of established labour in a primiparous woman (a first labour) commencing when there have been 2-3 contractions in ten minutes lasting at least thirty seconds for at least an hour, to an hour and a half. In terms of cervical dilation, this would be around 4 centimetres. This would be the time for your birth support to be coming to attend. Multiparous women (second and subsequent labours) only need around three contractions, lasting thirty seconds to be in established labour, and dilation would be around 7 centimetres. It is an interesting thought that physiologically, these time frames are how the body works, and outside of this, something is holding the body back ( This is Rhea's theory anyway).

She also discussed that in first births if there are emotional or psychological issues, then these do effect the birth process. This can mean a long labour, precipitate labour, difficulty pushing the baby out, or being unable do deal with the sensations or pain. In second birhs, if the baby has previously come out of your vagina, emotional and psychological problems do not cause as many issues, because the body knows what it is doing, it has done it before. Physiology takes over, and the baby is born. 

This brings my thoughts to my labour with Charlotte. Why was it so long? Yes I guess the first day or so could be counted as prelabour perhaps. But why were my contractions regular, and then space out to ten minutely? In my mind, I had previously been thinking, 'If we had just stayed at home six hours longer (the time we were in hospital before she was born), Charlotte would have been born. I blamed (blame?) my midwife for making the wrong call. I arrived early at the talk yesterday, and was able to talk to Rhea about this. She said there is perhaps something about the hospital that makes you feel safe, that home did not have for you. strange, because from all I have seen, hospital is not a safe place for the majority of babies to be born. Nevertheless, this is something I need to ponder.

We also discussed the 'Primal woman'. When did I turn into the reckless, no talk, wild labouring woman? From the timelines she outlined (as above) I don't think this neccessarily coincides with transition. I didn't get there at home.

 I still had my thinking head on at home, primal woman did not arrive until I was in a bright unfamiliar room with strangers in tow.

Primal woman- naked and roaring. What was it inhibiting her?

Charlotte's birth story

On this day one year ago I was lying in bed sleeping, and at 1am I felt the first twinges in my uterus. They were enjoyable waves floating through my body. I lay in bed trying to sleep until 6am and by then the waves were no longer enjoyable, starting to become uncomfortable. I woke Wayne and said -Our baby is going to be born today or tomorrow’.
We got up and had breakfast, calling our midwife at about 8 to tell her we would probably need her later in the day. Wayne’s parents and my Mum were staying with us at the time, I went to lie down in our bedroom when they were starting to get up, I didn’t feel like talking to anyone. Wayne took them out to get some groceries. The plan was they would return to pick up their bags and then leave for a hotel. It felt like he was gone forever when they returned it felt like they were taking as long as they possibly could to pack and leave. My Mum came to talk to me, I think she was still hoping I would change my mind and ask her to stay for the birth. I went back to the bedroom with Wayne and heard the birth pool being pumped up (by our parents). ARGH JUST LEAVE!
Finally about 1pm, Wayne and I were alone. We rearranged the furniture, blew up the pool, put up my poster and candles on my altar. Later in the afternoon we went down to the beach for a walk. Ah it was bliss, I felt like I could keep walking forever. I would stop every couple of minutes to hold onto the old wooden sleepers to breathe through the contractions. This was my favourite part, just the three of us, breathing deeply the salty sea air, it felt so right. The contractions were coming stronger and more often, but the air had turned cold and we began the trip home. The car ride was hell! There was no possible comfortable position. We got home and I cooked dinner, the contractions felt stronger, but I could still talk and laugh. I knew I still had a long time to go.
We tried going to bed at about 10pm, but I couldn’t lie down. I spoke to my midwife J and said that my contractions were around 3 minutes apart, and about 40 seconds long. She said she would come, and arrived at 1am. Wayne filled the pool, I couldn’t wait to get in. I got onto all fours, I was feeling lots of sacral pain.
I needed it hotter and deeper. More and more water, it just never felt enough on my back. They held a warm flannel on there, but I needed it harder. The contractions spread out to about 5 minutes apart. I couldn’t help but vocalise long and low aaah, ooooh’. My second midwife A arrived around 6am, she sat on the couch very quietly, but I could feel her eyes watching.
My contractions had spread to ten minutes apart. I had been hopping in and out of the pool throughout the night, the contractions didn’t get any closer. I had been drinking water and juice, but by morning I felt full and didn’t want anything but sips of water. I started to feel more wary of A, she said nothing, but I felt her talking about me. They told me we should try some things to get my contractions going. I went outside and walked around but couldn’t stand the cold air on my skin. I tried resting, but couldn’t lie down. Wayne and I danced for an hour to my favourite old music. My contractions were still 10 minutes apart. I couldn’t stop crying. I said ‘A is going to make me go to hospital isn’t she’, J told me ‘No one is going to make you go to hospital. We are going to go and get some coffee, leave you and Wayne to do your thing for a while.’
Wayne and I lay down in bed, he held me and told me it would be okay. I didn’t stop crying. J and A returned about midday. Contractions were still ten minutes apart. J suggested a vaginal examination. I was at a point when I needed something, I wanted to have made progress, I wanted to know it would be over soon. I was two centimetres. I remember saying, in between contractions ‘Two centimetres- I’m not even in labour’! By that stage, it felt like something was burning a hole in my back, I felt almost no pain in my uterus. J told us that our baby’s heart rate was good, but she recommended this would be a good time for us to go to hospital for some pain relief and augmentation, before the baby and I were too tired. I asked her the age old question ‘how long do you think it will be?’ and she told me it could be twelve hours, but it could still be twenty four.
By this point I was scared. I didn’t want to be too tired to push my baby out. I thought there was something wrong with my labour, I was asking ‘why is this taking so long? Why can’t my body do this?’ All the while I had my favourite affirmation in my head-

I am woman

I am made to do this

I am perfectly designed for birth and motherhood

I have all of the strength, stamina, courage and intuition I need.

The affirmation led me back to questioning-then why can’t I do this? With many tears I told J ‘I don’t want to go to hospital, I’m scared. I’m scared they’ll cut me open’. They tried to reassure me that it would be okay. We got our things ready to go, I went back into the lounge where my altar was, blew out my candles and took my blessingway necklace.
The car ride was awful, every bump in the road felt like a red hot poker in my back. Wayne parked at the front of the hospital, and we waited for J and A to arrive. I looked at the people in front of the hospital, waiting for their taxis, smoking their cigarettes. Inside I was screaming ‘I’m not meant to be here’.
We were taken to an assessment room where I agreed to have electronic fetal monitoring. I was standing resting against the bed, the midwife insisted that I had to lie down for her to attach the straps. Twenty minutes later the midwife told us our baby’s heart rate was great, and my contractions were three minutes apart. The Obstetric registrar came in and checked the monitoring and asked to do a vaginal examination. I agreed. I was 5-6 cm. The hospital midwife then told us she would go and run the bath for me. I asked J ‘can I go in the bath for a bit and then we can go back home?’ She said they would probably get nasty if they admitted me, and then we went home. I decided I could not face a car ride home and then back to the hospital, I still felt like there was something wrong with my labour. We were taken to a birth suite and told how lucky I was, because it was so big and new. I couldn’t care less. The bath, however, was big and deep and oh so warm. I could finally get comfortable. The contractions were intense and I was loud, but I didn’t care. Wayne fed me ice chips, J tried to feed me slices of pear but I couldn’t swallow, and A gave me little nibbles of the best pink icy pole ever.
My body started pushing a little bit and I could feel my membranes bulging. The hospital midwife told us there were no midwives accredited for water birth on that night, so I had to go back to the birth suite. By this point I was pushing a little during each contraction. It was four hours after the admission vaginal examination, so the midwife did another one. My cervix was 9cm dilated, I was told to stop pushing. They had me marching on the spot with knees as high as possible and arms up ‘like branches from the tree in my birth art’. After awhile I said ‘No more’, and started pushing. The midwife made me get onto the bed, I rested with my bum in the air on a bean bag. That bean bag was bliss, I finally felt comfortable.
Finally there was a ‘pop’ and my membranes ruptured. There was meconium in the liquor, and the midwife told me she was attaching the electronic fetal monitoring. I held my hand to my perineum and could feel my skin bulging and I heard J telling the midwife to keep her hands away. Wayne then asked if he should change the video tape, as there was only twenty minutes left. I would have laughed if I could, couldn’t he see the baby practically hanging out of my vagina? J positioned Wayne in front of the midwife, so he could catch our baby, like we had planned.
Twenty minutes after my membranes ruptured at 9.43 pm, feeling like I had ripped in two, our baby slid into Wayne’s hands. I turned over onto my back, and he placed her onto my chest. She was covered in meconium and much smaller than I expected! After a little while she took a big breath and cried. All I could say is ‘My baby, my baby’. I remember thinking she looks alot like my mum.
We were skin to skin for two hours, Charlotte was not interested in feeding. I had a post partum haemorrhage, lost six hundred mls of blood. I didn’t have any more contractions after she was born, the placenta was still attached and pumping. I consented to her cord being cut, to see if it would help the placenta come away, still hoping for a physiological third stage. I tried standing, I tried squatting, I tried sitting on the toilet. After another half hour I consented to an injection of syntocinon, two minutes later, I passed the placenta. Wayne came and lay in bed with us and we marvelled at our beautiful little daughter. She weighed 2.88 kg and the midwife commented that it was lucky she was over 2.5 kgs, or she would have to be admitted to the nursery. I felt like my perineum had torn badly, but it wasn’t so bad. It stung so much that I wouldn’t have let the midwife give me sutures even if she suggested them.
At 1am J and A went home. Wayne was not allowed to stay overnight, I wanted to go home with Wayne, but we didn’t have the car seat. To drive home and back again, we wouldn’t have got home until 4am. He went home at 2.30am, promising to return as soon as he’d had a little sleep. A little bit after he went home a paediatrician came to discuss why I was ‘withholding care’ from our baby- I signed a form to refuse hepatitis b vaccination and vitamin k. Overnight I hand expressed to feed Charlotte, she still wasn’t interested in feeding. Wayne came back at 8am and took us home.
When I walked into our home, the place where our baby was meant to be born my heart felt full, but broken. My beautiful baby was born, I had pushed her out of my vagina, but it wasn’t meant to happen like that. Seeing the birth pool still full, the candles burnt down, it all screamed ‘a baby was MEANT to be born here’. I felt let down, I felt grateful. I was crazy in love, I was crazy.